Running with a purpose again

It’s been quite some time since I’ve written anything here, as I didn’t really feel inspired much lately nor had anything much interesting to write about, and I haven’t had much time.  I can’t force it.  If try that, I just stare at a blank page and fight the whole time, and then it just seems like such an effort and it’s really not enjoyable.  If it doesn’t just flow out easily, it’s a real chore.  And who like chores.

Post marathon running with no race plans in the future was nice for a while as you can pick if and how far you want to run, and at whatever pace you desire.  Having a prescribed distance, pace, schedule for a long training season can leave you feeling burnt out and turn you right off the thing that you love.  But I can only do this for a short time.  After a while I feel adrift with no focus and bail on too many runs and just feel blasé.  If I go for too long in this direction, there’s a good chance that I might just drop the activity altogether.

For me, I need to have a race planned in the future.  Nothing gets me moving and motivated with a purpose like another race on the horizon.  I’m happy to say that we’ve signed up for the Chilli Half Marathon in Oakville for March 5 and have now begun the training.

Getting back into running after the rest weeks of the marathon in October I wanted to focus on running shorter distances but work on speed; I was tired of being at the back of the pack.  Every run was shorter than usual (about 5-8 k) and I ran pushing the pace to my limit.  It was quite fun, but I struggled a fair bit and had to take a lot more walk breaks than usual.  Last weekend’s run was the first time going 12k since the marathon and I was a bit nervous.  There was no way I could maintain my now faster pace over a 12k run.  So, I decided to pull out the heart rate monitor and run let my heart rate determine my pace.  I’ve learned from past experience what heart rate I need run for longer runs and what heart rate would put me over the edge and leave me gasping, frustrated and walking way more than I would find acceptable.  Anything over 160 beats per minute (bpm) is over the red line for me and I can’t maintain for more than 10k.  What I need is about mid 150s bpm and I’m fine.  It’s still pushing it a bit, but manageable over a longer haul.  So I monitored the heart rate, keeping it under 160 and barely walked for the 12k and it felt great!  And my overall time was pretty good too!

I’ve also dropped some weight, as since last summer I let things slide a bit too much with drinks & food.  The recent holidays just put me over the top at a whopping 267 lbs.  Yes, my pants hate me right now.  I’ve decided to drop back down to low 240s which is a decent weight for me and leaves me feeling light and quicker, without feeling too weak.  No rush though, I’m taking my time, and I’m already a few lbs down and I can definitely feel the difference in last night’s run.  I felt lighter and quicker and it every stride required a bit less effort.  I’m excited about the big difference I’ll feel at 240 lbs.  That’s what keeps me motivated to lose the weight.  Plus I can breathe while wearing my work pants again.

Last night’s run also felt great as I decided to crank up the mileage for Tuesday/Thursday runs to 10k and slowed the pace so I could go the distance and finish feeling better.  It’s all been a good reminder that while running faster and shorter distances can be fun, but it’s going longer and feeling stronger that I appreciate so much more; even if the pace is slower.

So it feels good to have a set training schedule ahead of me again (thankfully much shorter than a full marathon schedule).  A sense of purpose to the runs, as each run builds on the next run and it all gets better.  Race day itself is actually kind of anti-climactic for me, as it’s never my best run.  It’s pushing it during the training that I have my best runs and breakthroughs.

Second Helpings

“What’s next” is the question everyone is asking, and the question I ask the day after every race.  I’m prone to the post race blues and have found the best thing to combat it is plan my next race. 

Now that I’ve sampled them all from the 5k up to the full marathon, what next indeed?  Some folks once they’ve reached the full marathon distance stick with that and try to improve their times; maybe to qualify for Boston.  In order for me to qualify for Boston, I’d have to shave off more than 2 ½ hrs; so that’s not going to happen.

I found that when starting my running journey years ago and reached a 5k distance, after a while you think about going further and increasing the distance to a 10k.  And once you do the 10k, you look to the ½ marathon distance.  A lot of folks stick at the ½ marathon distance as there are loads of races for the ½ and it becomes fairly easy to train up for the distance and the recovery is quick.  Plus it’s an exponential jump up to the full marathon distance which scares most runners away.  But after a while you start thinking “just maybe…”  Luckily we have a handy 30k race nearby and that’s just 9k more than the ½.  After completing the 30k you get to thinking “well that’s was tough, but I survived, and it’s only another 12k to a full marathon.”  So let’s go for it!

I said prior to even contemplating the 30k distance that instead I wanted to work on getting faster at the 10k and ½ marathon distance and only then I might do the 30k and full.  However, that idea got snuffed as the 30k and full came into view and I felt the drive to go the distance. 

But now that I’ve successfully completed the full distance, I feel an almost calming sense of relief, like a weight has been lifted.  I have nothing more to prove to myself.  Now I feel I can go back for second helpings.  I’ve eaten everything on my plate and now I can have more of the yummy thing that I like the most.

For me, the most delicious thing is speed instead of distance.  I want to run to a faster 10k. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad we did the full marathon distance; and this won’t be my last full marathon, I just don’t feel it calling to me as other folks do.  I found that in order to go longer distances I had to slow my pace considerably which seemed very unnatural for me.  And running those long tedious distances I didn’t find that exciting.  Sure it’s really neat to look back on a 20+k run and say “wow, look how far I ran.” But I didn’t find it nearly as thrilling as just plan running fast.  Maybe because I’m more built for speed, but I find it loads more exhilarating to run a fast 10k.  Running 20+k only leaves me exhausted, whereas I get a much bigger endorphin rush going shorter and faster.   

Plus you can recover from a 10k much quicker, it takes way less time to complete, you can get away from having to carry water, food, etc. on your run.  It has more of an appealing “just throw on some shoes and head out the door” kind of feel to it.  And training for a 10k doesn’t totally consume your whole weekend like marathon training does.  So I look forward t running less, but faster and not feeling totally whipped for the entire weekend.  But then again, I’ll have no excuse why stuff is not getting done on the weekends.

Marathon day

Race day started out at 5:30 am with Nancy being stressed.  Not stressed about the race at all, but stressed about us getting to the bus on time, stressed about getting to the starting area on time for the group stretch.  We get to the bus pickup and off we go but the driver ends up doing a loop right back to where we started out.  Folks on the bus are now a little concerned about whether the driver knows the route to the starting line.  So now the driver finds the way to the highway, but wait, we’re headed Toronto bound on the QEW.  Wha??  Ok, now everyone on the bus is getting quite concerned, as we’re headed in the opposite direction of the starting line.  We finally get turned around and headed in the right direction for the Peace Bridge.  Nancy is trying hard to contain herself as the biggest thing that drives her nuts the most is “being late” for something (anything in fact).  Finally we arrive at the starting area but we’re still sitting on the bus waiting to get off.  We can see our running group right next to the bus but they won't let us off yet.  The bus ends up driving to the other side of the starting area and we have to make our way back to our running group.  Oh, I almost forgot to mention, the whole bus ride I had a spring from the seat sticking in my crotch, just for some added fun along the way, plus the seats are made for kids so I’m crammed in the wee space with my legs bent in half almost. 

We get to the rest of our group, complain about the bus ride and start the warm up and stretch routine, drop off our bags on the bus and peel off extra warm clothes and await the start.  We plant ourselves towards the back so we don’t get caught up in the vortex of runners tearing off like jackrabbits at the start.  Nancy and I hug for a quite prayer and Christina takes some pics with her phone.  The race starts and we do a loop out and back and meet up with the Runner’s Edge cheering squad and off we go through the streets of Buffalo.  Local residents cheer us on as we run past which is loads of fun.  We meet up with Benny again about 1km from the peace bridge for some high 5s.  Running across the peace bridge was definitely the most fun part of the race as it’s a nice warm 15C with clear skies and the view is great.  Yay, back into Canada for a loop around Port Colborne with a nice cool breeze in our faces as the sun is getting quite warm.  Now we’re headed onto the Niagara Parkway for the long stretch to the finish line and the wind at our backs.  Wow, it’s getting sun is really heating things up.  We plod away and hey there’s more folks from the Runner’s Edge group cheering us on.  Coach Benny cheers from the bushes as he’s taking a leak – HA! 

Next up we cross the ½ way mark and continue to plod away making good time.  Woo, only 21.1k left.  Good Lord.  We meet up the Christina’s husband Joe as she picks up some bars, gels and body glide and tries to lube up those hard to reach areas.

Now we meet up with Jim, Janice and their son Josh along with way cheering loudly as they wish us a happy anniversary and we run by for some high 5s.  Awesome, Jim and his family are always out there being so supportive of all the runners.

At the next porta potty station we catch up to a fellow runner from our group who is struggling with sore, tight legs.  So we pick up Christina Dsalon and she joins our merry group headed towards the finish. 

The folks at the mile 15 water station are already packing up and ready to leave, but there is water and sports drink on the tables, it’s help yourself kinda style.  We’re all really not impressed as there are many more runners behind us still. 

Next we meet up with my friend Ruth from high school as she is one of the road marshals for the race.  A big hug and I introduce her to Nancy and we chat with Benny along the route once again.

We run along some more and in the distance we see Christina’s mom waving furiously and Christina starts to get emotional.  Nancy tries to remind her that you can’t run and cry because you need to breathe right now.  Her mom is a lifesaver as she has water for us.  She takes a bunch of pictures, fills us up with water and shower of praise and away we go.  She saved us a few times with water throughout the race.

Seeing as it was so warm and I don’t want to cramp up, I’ve been taking a salt packet at every 7k along with a gel, dates or a bar – I did this in the hot summer months and it worked well.  Except by about the 28k mark I’m now sooo thirsty that I can’t get enough water.  This makes things difficult as too much water in the stomach and it all sloshes around causing great discomfort, but my mouth is so dry, I can’t last more than about 2 minutes before I need a drink.  After the 30k mark things get really hard.  We’re doing the walk/run thing and everyone is starting to ache in various spots.  My calves, quads are ok, I’m just getting overall exhausted.  We pass a runner curled up in the fetal position lying in the grass.  Hmm…that looks like a great idea, just rest a while.  Onward we go into Chippewa and meet up with more Runner’s Edge folks cheering us on and more high 5s as we cross the bridge.  3k to go and we can see the mist from the Falls where the finish line is.  We get near the top of the last big hill and come across Nancy and her hubby Kim on bikes who follow us in.  Heading down the long hill and Geoff our chiropractor runs up to meet us.  Awesome, as we’re all ready to drop.  He’s great and keeps us all running with encouragement and telling us the finish line is just around the corner.  We near the line and see family and friends wildly cheering us on.  I run up to Nancy and grab her hand and with big smiles we cross the line triumphantly with arms raised.  We collapse on each other sobbing as emotions boil over.  We made it!  Friends and family come with hugs and I hug many people I didn’t even know.  Oh well, it’s all good.  We pose for numerous pictures and Christina hands us some custom made t-shirts she had done for the occasion.  Sweet! 

Nancy didn’t even notice but her mom is here, as my sister Sandra arranged the surprise.  Nancy practically runs up the race course again to find her mom, which really makes her day having her mom at the race. 

Sandra drives us to our parked car and off we go the YMCA for the best hot shower ever.  Next we all convene at Napoli’s Ristorante for the best dinner and drinks with the rest of the Runner’s Edge gang as a kind of end of race season bash.  Many thanks to Anthony, a fellow runner in our group, who has graciously opened up his restaurant and fed us all for almost nothing.  The food is sooo good, we vow to come back again and again.  More hugs and congrats from everyone as we stuff our faces with the best tasting food.

Back home for an ice bath til my legs are numb and fall asleep on the couch; so tired.   

It’s now the day after the race and I’m pretty sore all over as expected.  And as the post race blues start up all I can think of is “when can I go for my next run?”  Oddly, I miss it already.

Marathoning is risky business

Last Sunday during the Scotiabank ½ marathon a 27 yr old guy collapsed and died about 200m from the finish line.  My sincerest condolences to his family.  We were there and saw the ambulance.  Turns out a gal at work; it was her husband’s second cousin.  He had run many races in the past and was in good shape.  Now that’s an extreme case of this risk, that the media and general population will gladly raise the issue that marathoning is really bad for you and nobody should run at all.  But this guy could have died shovelling show (which accounts for about 12 000 American deaths every year) or watching TV or inadvertently walking in front of a bus. 

I also had a friend entered in the full marathon on Sunday who had to pull out at the half way mark due to an injury.  And there are a few other friends that never made it to the start line due to injuries that derailed their training leading up to the race. 

There are no guarantees in life.  And I’ve always been told in training for rowing and other races that “anything can happen on race day.”  The favourites to win an event might have a bad race and lose, or the underdog might have the perfect race of their lives and win the race (I personally love when this happens).    

 

So why do we risk it all?  All the training, the dreams, the emotions, the effort, all the time, the commitment.  It could all be for naught. 

We do it for the glory of crossing the finish line.  For the accomplishment.  For the sense of victory.

Sure it’d be safer to just stay at home, tucked away in our safe environments, but what fun is that?  What kind of boring life is that?

I used to be that person.  Just bidding my time until ________ and only then would I be happy and start to live my life and enjoy it.  Until then, I wait and find useless activities to kill the time.  What a waste.

I see many people follow this trend.  “Only when I get my dream job, will I be happy.  Only when I get married I will be happy.  Only when I lose the weight and am skinny…only when I get my dream house… “

Well I got news for you folks.  You’ll be waiting a lonnng time.  And most times, that dream job, house, spouse, etc just never comes along.  How long are you going to wait for nothing to happen?  And often, if the dream job, spouse, house does happen, you’re so used to not being happy that you’re stuck inside your shell, and you’re still not satisfied.

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.”  I love this quote.  To me this also speaks that “It’s about the journey, not the destination.”  Why not enjoy the journey?  If you’re always just looking forward to only the destination or finish line, it’ll be over and you’ll be back in a slump. 

I really appreciate my friend Michelle’s greenkoolaid blog about “Take a Risk, Take a Chance, Make a Change!”  It takes a boat-load of courage to come out of your shell and take a risk, but it can be oh so worth it.  Sure it’s much easier to just become part of the background white noise and maintain the status quo; but do you really want to be known as an unknown?  Do you want to look back on your life and think “that was a nice, safe time.  Nobody got hurt.”  True enough, but what did you accomplish?   

I’m often reminded of one of my fav all time quotes “Beware the turtle that makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.”  This speaks volumes to me.  Ever watch a turtle?  They only move when they stick their neck out of their shell.  Only when you risk, do you make real progress.  Stay inside your shell Mr. Turtle, and you’ll go nowhere.  You may even get run over!

On Oct 23rd, I’m ready to stick my neck out and risk it all.  I look forward to taking my time and enjoying the entire marathon experience, from start to finish; not just focusing on crossing the finish line.  

So, I choose a turtle as my next running tattoo after completing my first full marathon.  For the above analogy, as well as the obvious ones:  The tortoise and the hare story, the fact that we are not fast runners by any stretch of the imagination. 

And also some other tidbits regarding the turtle symbol that I really like:

The turtle’s whole life is one of steadfastness, effort, and patience. 

The turtle takes its wisdom one day at a time - not reacting, simply accepting and moving on in its natural methods. 

The Turtle is an ancient symbol, representing Order, Creation, Endurance, Strength, Stability, and Longevity.

For the tattoo I’m thinking about some type of tribal turtle picture with 26.2 (this is the marathon distance in miles) on its back and this great scripture underneath.

Isaiah 40:31

The scripture is “those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

You gotta have faith

Marathon training has thrown me some curve balls, as expected.  It’s no surprise that the long runs have been really hard over the hot summer months.  The part that I didn’t anticipate was the huge mental effort required. 

Previous training for a 10 k or half marathon, it seemed like a fairly easy recipe to follow.  Add 2k to each weekend long run to increase the distance.  Mix in a bit of hills and a sprinkling of speed workouts during the week to strengthen. Kneed in some off weeks every 4^th week so you don’t over train and get injured and take time for a massage.  Allow your muscles time to heal and rest.  Bake for 8-10 weeks and presto, you’re ready for race day.

For me, it didn’t seem to require that much of a mental effort to get the recipe right when training for these shorter races.

So, naturally I figured that training for a full marathon distance of 42 k that you just follow the same recipe but over a longer period of time (16 weeks) and your long runs just get really long.    

I never gave any thought to how much mental effort was required and I feel I’ve underestimated.  Sure it’s taken quite a big physical effort throughout the training (but you expect that when striving for these distances); but the mental effort for me seems to be the hardest part of the mix.  Doubts, fear, race day anxiety and other negative thoughts that chip away at your confidence.

There’s a phrase I hear a lot as race days approach: “trust your training”.  It gets me thinking, that I don’t think I yet trust the training.  Maybe because I’ve had some tough struggles at not being able to complete some of the long runs and that idea seems to be stuck in my head.  If I can’t do the distance in training, how the heck am I going to on race day?

I’ve also read a few articles that some folks never do any really long distance runs in training for a marathon.  That idea seems too crazy and hard to accept.  But the concept is that what matters most is your base training.  How long have you been running prior to the marathon training, and having that good, solid base.  Benny has always suggested we run based on time and not worry about the distance.  The idea is that what is more important is “time spent running well” and time on your feet.  With this method you may never get to more than about 28 k in your longest run.  That’s a far cry from the 42 k you’ll be required to do on race day. You may need to go 14 k more than you have ever done before.  That’s a huge gap to bridge. 

So I try to cling to these ideas and try to remain hopeful that it I’ll be able to go the distance on race day. 

But still, the logical brain in me has a hard time accepting this as it goes against everything I’ve had to do in training for previous races.  Sure training for a half marathon distance of 22 k we only did 18 k in our longest run, but you only need to makeup 3 k on race day.  Anyone could crawl for an additional 3 k if you really needed to.  But crawling for an additional 14 k? 

So there’s my big mental hurdle I need to overcome and I’ve been assured by many marathoners that we’ll be fine.  I need to trust the training, trust Benny and his methods as he has successfully trained many successful marathoners in the past.  I need to have faith.

But faith is a strange thing.  I did a Google search on the word and found this definition; “Belief that is not based on proof.”  I also recall hearing someone say that faith is when everything is telling you one thing, but you believe in the opposite.  I’m also reminded of Indiana Jones (in The Last Crusade) and his leap of faith across the chasm where he must believe and he steps off the ledge into what appears to be just thin air, but lands safely.  And of course a favorite scripture from the Bible, 2 Corinthians 5:7 which says “we walk by faith, and not by sight.” 

Faith is hard for my logical brain to accept.  Actually I think what I need to do is not listen to my logical part of my brain, as that is what is getting me into trouble.  This is a very hard thing for guys I think, as we’re very logical creatures. 

It’s been a long road, but I do have faith.  I have ifaith in God and the bible’s teachings.  And now I seem to be gaining faith in Benny and in the training.  We’re on the long taper now and just trying to remain strong in body and mind.   

My lesson in all this is that marathon training (like logic and reasoning in trying to understand Religious faith), will only get you so far.  To bridge the gap requires faith.

Lost that lovin’ feeling

It’s an easy week this week in our marathon training, and easy week = reflection time for me.  Time to look back and examine the progress, time for a massage, time to reconnect with other stuff in my life besides running.  Ok, there’s little else in my life that doesn’t revolve around running in some way.

But lately, running has become a chore.  Or rather, the training has become a chore.  I didn’t realize when we began this journey that training for a marathon was a marathon unto itself.  16 weeks, over the summer, and we’re still not done yet.  In fact, the longest run still hasn’t happened yet.  That’s another 2 weeks away.  I think though, that the longest run is the biggest hurdle and hope that once that is done, things will be on a downward swing and not such a long drawn out process as we taper and near race day.  It’s all a huge commitment. 

Some things I’ve realized looking back on it all. 

1 - Training for a full marathon over the summer really really sucks.  It’s beyond brutally insane hot and humid.  Saturday long runs take forever and leave me whipped the rest of the day.  So my Saturdays are pretty much a right-off.

Getting up at 5 am on Saturdays to beat the heat is not fun as I have to get up this early during the week for work, so I never seem to get a chance to catch up on sleep.

I haven’t been out on the bike trails riding as I usually do in the summer.  I think after the behemoth Saturday run, I have zero desire for anything physical the next day.  I miss trail riding as its loads of fun. 

Summertime the kids have soccer 4 nights a week and trying to squeeze in running 3 nights a week on top of that, I felt I was stretched too thin.  Thankfully soccer is now done. 

There doesn’t seem to be any relaxing during the summer either.  On summer holidays I feel compelled to meet the training schedule and I don’t get to run whatever distance I feel like, or not run at all.

2 – I don’t think I was ready for this distance.  I’ve always said that once I was able to run 25 km several times and feel good about it, then I would contemplate a full marathon.  I haven’t been able to do this yet and during the high of successfully completing the Around the Bay 30 km race in March I signed us up.

3 – I’m feeling mentally exhausted.  Physically I’m holding up ok, but I seem to have lost the joy of running.  Now it seems to be all about “must get the run in, must meet the required distance on the schedule.”  There’s little fun in running now.  This has me worried, as once something becomes a chore for me, good luck trying to get me to do it.

4 – Leaving the kids alone as we run for hours on end is not fun for them or us. 

(Ok, a part of me really enjoys time away from them, but sometimes its just way too long.)

So next time we do a marathon (yes, we will probably do more marathons) we’re thinking spring marathon vs. fall marathon, because training during the winter months I think would be easier all around for us. 

For now though, time to make running fun again.  I think I’ll run with dog on Thursday and we’ll explore a new route; something near the lake is always fun.  Maybe I’ll even run naked!

It’s all about confidence

We had planned another 6 am early start to Saturday’s long run as it was going to be another hot one.  Unfortunately at 5am it was already 26C and the humidity put it over the top at 32 C.  I was pissed.  I haven’t had a good successful long run since the 24 km run which seemed like a lifetime ago.  My confidence was already at an all time low and I was hoping with only 2 long runs left that at least 1 of them would turn out well and give me the confidence boost needed for race day.  This day was looking to be yet another catastrophe in the making.  By the time we got to the start of the run I was already in a pissy mood.  So I decided to play it smart today and run the required time with the girls and whatever distance we reached was fine.  I had no expectations, and for some crazy reason this mindset always seems to work best for me.  This day would prove to be no exception. 

We just shuffled along nice and easy and by the 8 km mark we were all soaked and drank all our water bottles and had to fill up.  In fact every time we had the chance, we filled up on water because it was so brutally hot and you just don’t know if you’ll get the opportunity again. 

We met up with Benny at the 16 km mark and I was feeling fantastic.  We chatted about my pace for the day was “I don’t give a crap, I’m just out to do the time” and how this attitude really takes the pressure off and with zero expectations, when/if things go well, you’re pleasantly surprised and excited. 

On the way back I kept wondering about my friend Celine and how we usually meet her along the way, but haven’t yet.  I sure hope she’s ok.  About 5 km to go and filling up on more water and waiting for the girls at the top of one long hill they all came sauntering up.  Nancy and Chris looked ok, just a bit wilted, but I could see that Celine was having a really tough time.  She also said the “Diabetes Gods were winning today” which just compounds the struggle.  So for the next 5 km we all took turns running and walking.  I managed to finish the last few kms running most of the way and felt great.  Usually the last few kms I’m walking and ready to drop.  That day I finished feeling so strong, like I could continue on for the entire 42.2 km. 

We ran for a time of just under 3 hrs but only managed to do about 24 km, and I was totally fine with that result.  Sure it was slower than usual, but finishing the run feeling so strong and not totally whipped, boosted my confidence and I felt “over the moon” happy.  My confidence that has been stripped from me due to such struggling long runs for weeks and weeks was now back. 

But all the while during the last 5 km I couldn’t help thinking about my friend Celine as we watched her struggling to complete 32 km.  We kept telling her to “call it a day” and cut the run short and we’d drive her home from Benny’s store.  But no, I could see in her face that she would never get into the car, she was determined to complete the distance no matter what.  Nancy even asked me “is she Dutch?”  For those of you who don’t know, Dutch folks are THE most stubborn folks on the planet. 

I couldn’t help but think “oh man, I’ve so been there the last few weeks.”  She’s probably going to finish and feel like crap because the last few kms were such a struggle.  It doesn’t matter if you ran the best 25+ km of your life, if the last few kms are rough, you feel like a huge failure.  What a crazy notion, but well, it’s there.

It’s taken me a long time to realize this, but I think I’ve finally got it through my thick skull; it’s just not worth it.  Struggling to complete the entire distance vs. cutting the run short and finishing strong; I’ll take finishing strong any day.  Those struggling runs erode so much of your confidence it makes it so hard to gain it back.

That day I ran smart and listened to my coach and my body, and it sure paid off.  The boost in confidence is exactly what I needed vs. completing the scheduled distance and struggling.  Sure I haven’t managed to reach the 30 km mark yet in training, and sure it’s a long way still to the 42.2 km mark, but now that I have my confidence back, I have no doubt that I can complete the distance. 

Thinking back to that day it’s so weird how I started out the run feeling so utterly defeated and yet managed to finish feeling so strong again.

We get so caught up in our pace, splits, etc and fast times are really nice, but I think I’d rather finish slower and feel better, than finishing faster and struggling. 

Running is all about confidence for me.  A great run will make you feel as strong and confident as Superman, but a crappy run will humble you and make you as insecure as Clark Kent.