You gotta have faith

Marathon training has thrown me some curve balls, as expected.  It’s no surprise that the long runs have been really hard over the hot summer months.  The part that I didn’t anticipate was the huge mental effort required. 

Previous training for a 10 k or half marathon, it seemed like a fairly easy recipe to follow.  Add 2k to each weekend long run to increase the distance.  Mix in a bit of hills and a sprinkling of speed workouts during the week to strengthen. Kneed in some off weeks every 4^th week so you don’t over train and get injured and take time for a massage.  Allow your muscles time to heal and rest.  Bake for 8-10 weeks and presto, you’re ready for race day.

For me, it didn’t seem to require that much of a mental effort to get the recipe right when training for these shorter races.

So, naturally I figured that training for a full marathon distance of 42 k that you just follow the same recipe but over a longer period of time (16 weeks) and your long runs just get really long.    

I never gave any thought to how much mental effort was required and I feel I’ve underestimated.  Sure it’s taken quite a big physical effort throughout the training (but you expect that when striving for these distances); but the mental effort for me seems to be the hardest part of the mix.  Doubts, fear, race day anxiety and other negative thoughts that chip away at your confidence.

There’s a phrase I hear a lot as race days approach: “trust your training”.  It gets me thinking, that I don’t think I yet trust the training.  Maybe because I’ve had some tough struggles at not being able to complete some of the long runs and that idea seems to be stuck in my head.  If I can’t do the distance in training, how the heck am I going to on race day?

I’ve also read a few articles that some folks never do any really long distance runs in training for a marathon.  That idea seems too crazy and hard to accept.  But the concept is that what matters most is your base training.  How long have you been running prior to the marathon training, and having that good, solid base.  Benny has always suggested we run based on time and not worry about the distance.  The idea is that what is more important is “time spent running well” and time on your feet.  With this method you may never get to more than about 28 k in your longest run.  That’s a far cry from the 42 k you’ll be required to do on race day. You may need to go 14 k more than you have ever done before.  That’s a huge gap to bridge. 

So I try to cling to these ideas and try to remain hopeful that it I’ll be able to go the distance on race day. 

But still, the logical brain in me has a hard time accepting this as it goes against everything I’ve had to do in training for previous races.  Sure training for a half marathon distance of 22 k we only did 18 k in our longest run, but you only need to makeup 3 k on race day.  Anyone could crawl for an additional 3 k if you really needed to.  But crawling for an additional 14 k? 

So there’s my big mental hurdle I need to overcome and I’ve been assured by many marathoners that we’ll be fine.  I need to trust the training, trust Benny and his methods as he has successfully trained many successful marathoners in the past.  I need to have faith.

But faith is a strange thing.  I did a Google search on the word and found this definition; “Belief that is not based on proof.”  I also recall hearing someone say that faith is when everything is telling you one thing, but you believe in the opposite.  I’m also reminded of Indiana Jones (in The Last Crusade) and his leap of faith across the chasm where he must believe and he steps off the ledge into what appears to be just thin air, but lands safely.  And of course a favorite scripture from the Bible, 2 Corinthians 5:7 which says “we walk by faith, and not by sight.” 

Faith is hard for my logical brain to accept.  Actually I think what I need to do is not listen to my logical part of my brain, as that is what is getting me into trouble.  This is a very hard thing for guys I think, as we’re very logical creatures. 

It’s been a long road, but I do have faith.  I have ifaith in God and the bible’s teachings.  And now I seem to be gaining faith in Benny and in the training.  We’re on the long taper now and just trying to remain strong in body and mind.   

My lesson in all this is that marathon training (like logic and reasoning in trying to understand Religious faith), will only get you so far.  To bridge the gap requires faith.

Lost that lovin’ feeling

It’s an easy week this week in our marathon training, and easy week = reflection time for me.  Time to look back and examine the progress, time for a massage, time to reconnect with other stuff in my life besides running.  Ok, there’s little else in my life that doesn’t revolve around running in some way.

But lately, running has become a chore.  Or rather, the training has become a chore.  I didn’t realize when we began this journey that training for a marathon was a marathon unto itself.  16 weeks, over the summer, and we’re still not done yet.  In fact, the longest run still hasn’t happened yet.  That’s another 2 weeks away.  I think though, that the longest run is the biggest hurdle and hope that once that is done, things will be on a downward swing and not such a long drawn out process as we taper and near race day.  It’s all a huge commitment. 

Some things I’ve realized looking back on it all. 

1 - Training for a full marathon over the summer really really sucks.  It’s beyond brutally insane hot and humid.  Saturday long runs take forever and leave me whipped the rest of the day.  So my Saturdays are pretty much a right-off.

Getting up at 5 am on Saturdays to beat the heat is not fun as I have to get up this early during the week for work, so I never seem to get a chance to catch up on sleep.

I haven’t been out on the bike trails riding as I usually do in the summer.  I think after the behemoth Saturday run, I have zero desire for anything physical the next day.  I miss trail riding as its loads of fun. 

Summertime the kids have soccer 4 nights a week and trying to squeeze in running 3 nights a week on top of that, I felt I was stretched too thin.  Thankfully soccer is now done. 

There doesn’t seem to be any relaxing during the summer either.  On summer holidays I feel compelled to meet the training schedule and I don’t get to run whatever distance I feel like, or not run at all.

2 – I don’t think I was ready for this distance.  I’ve always said that once I was able to run 25 km several times and feel good about it, then I would contemplate a full marathon.  I haven’t been able to do this yet and during the high of successfully completing the Around the Bay 30 km race in March I signed us up.

3 – I’m feeling mentally exhausted.  Physically I’m holding up ok, but I seem to have lost the joy of running.  Now it seems to be all about “must get the run in, must meet the required distance on the schedule.”  There’s little fun in running now.  This has me worried, as once something becomes a chore for me, good luck trying to get me to do it.

4 – Leaving the kids alone as we run for hours on end is not fun for them or us. 

(Ok, a part of me really enjoys time away from them, but sometimes its just way too long.)

So next time we do a marathon (yes, we will probably do more marathons) we’re thinking spring marathon vs. fall marathon, because training during the winter months I think would be easier all around for us. 

For now though, time to make running fun again.  I think I’ll run with dog on Thursday and we’ll explore a new route; something near the lake is always fun.  Maybe I’ll even run naked!

It’s all about confidence

We had planned another 6 am early start to Saturday’s long run as it was going to be another hot one.  Unfortunately at 5am it was already 26C and the humidity put it over the top at 32 C.  I was pissed.  I haven’t had a good successful long run since the 24 km run which seemed like a lifetime ago.  My confidence was already at an all time low and I was hoping with only 2 long runs left that at least 1 of them would turn out well and give me the confidence boost needed for race day.  This day was looking to be yet another catastrophe in the making.  By the time we got to the start of the run I was already in a pissy mood.  So I decided to play it smart today and run the required time with the girls and whatever distance we reached was fine.  I had no expectations, and for some crazy reason this mindset always seems to work best for me.  This day would prove to be no exception. 

We just shuffled along nice and easy and by the 8 km mark we were all soaked and drank all our water bottles and had to fill up.  In fact every time we had the chance, we filled up on water because it was so brutally hot and you just don’t know if you’ll get the opportunity again. 

We met up with Benny at the 16 km mark and I was feeling fantastic.  We chatted about my pace for the day was “I don’t give a crap, I’m just out to do the time” and how this attitude really takes the pressure off and with zero expectations, when/if things go well, you’re pleasantly surprised and excited. 

On the way back I kept wondering about my friend Celine and how we usually meet her along the way, but haven’t yet.  I sure hope she’s ok.  About 5 km to go and filling up on more water and waiting for the girls at the top of one long hill they all came sauntering up.  Nancy and Chris looked ok, just a bit wilted, but I could see that Celine was having a really tough time.  She also said the “Diabetes Gods were winning today” which just compounds the struggle.  So for the next 5 km we all took turns running and walking.  I managed to finish the last few kms running most of the way and felt great.  Usually the last few kms I’m walking and ready to drop.  That day I finished feeling so strong, like I could continue on for the entire 42.2 km. 

We ran for a time of just under 3 hrs but only managed to do about 24 km, and I was totally fine with that result.  Sure it was slower than usual, but finishing the run feeling so strong and not totally whipped, boosted my confidence and I felt “over the moon” happy.  My confidence that has been stripped from me due to such struggling long runs for weeks and weeks was now back. 

But all the while during the last 5 km I couldn’t help thinking about my friend Celine as we watched her struggling to complete 32 km.  We kept telling her to “call it a day” and cut the run short and we’d drive her home from Benny’s store.  But no, I could see in her face that she would never get into the car, she was determined to complete the distance no matter what.  Nancy even asked me “is she Dutch?”  For those of you who don’t know, Dutch folks are THE most stubborn folks on the planet. 

I couldn’t help but think “oh man, I’ve so been there the last few weeks.”  She’s probably going to finish and feel like crap because the last few kms were such a struggle.  It doesn’t matter if you ran the best 25+ km of your life, if the last few kms are rough, you feel like a huge failure.  What a crazy notion, but well, it’s there.

It’s taken me a long time to realize this, but I think I’ve finally got it through my thick skull; it’s just not worth it.  Struggling to complete the entire distance vs. cutting the run short and finishing strong; I’ll take finishing strong any day.  Those struggling runs erode so much of your confidence it makes it so hard to gain it back.

That day I ran smart and listened to my coach and my body, and it sure paid off.  The boost in confidence is exactly what I needed vs. completing the scheduled distance and struggling.  Sure I haven’t managed to reach the 30 km mark yet in training, and sure it’s a long way still to the 42.2 km mark, but now that I have my confidence back, I have no doubt that I can complete the distance. 

Thinking back to that day it’s so weird how I started out the run feeling so utterly defeated and yet managed to finish feeling so strong again.

We get so caught up in our pace, splits, etc and fast times are really nice, but I think I’d rather finish slower and feel better, than finishing faster and struggling. 

Running is all about confidence for me.  A great run will make you feel as strong and confident as Superman, but a crappy run will humble you and make you as insecure as Clark Kent.