Struggles, doubts and a change of plans

I’ve been running too fast.

There’s a line of thought that in order to finish a long run well (and strong), you need to start out slow.  Really slow.  What seems like painfully slow.  I’ve tried this in the past, and it’s worked wonders.  I was able to finish feeling strong and in fact, my overall time was only a few minutes off a PB.  It works well for me, because it leaves me with something in the tank to finish the run strong; and finishing strong is what really makes me feel great about a run.  For me, nothing feels worse than starting out too fast, only to implode in the last few kms of the run.

I know this and I’ve proven this to myself many times in the past by following the formula of starting out slow.

In training for my longest race ever, why have I been running way to fast? 

I think I haven’t been “running my own race.”  This is something coaches often say to athletes and I’ve had it repeated to me many times over the years, and I’ve repeated it down the line to others.  Don’t worry about anyone else; just run your race, your way.  This is great advice and has proven to have solid results for me.

So, why have I thrown all that I’ve learned over the years out the window and run with reckless abandon at a pace that I know is way too fast that I can’t maintain for much past 10k? 

Maybe it’s the damn Y chromosome in the way?  Maybe I’m trying to catch up to someone? Maybe I see others doing this and it’s working for them and I think I can do the same?  Maybe it’s pride?  Maybe I’m watching the clock too closely and think I can run this longer race at a pace even faster than I’ve done shorter races?  Yes, these are all dumb reasons to discard a proven methodology, but nonetheless are all part of the problem.

In the last few long runs (26k +), I’ve really been struggling, especially the last 5km + and had to walk/run to finish and my times were crap and I felt crap about the entire run.  The first 20k or so were quick (for me) but the wheels fell off the wagon after that, spoiling the entire experience for me and leaving me feeling defeated. 

I’ve had some serious doubts because of how the last few long runs went, to the point of not enjoying the training and regretting upcoming runs and it’s taken the fun out of it all.  I even thought of bailing on the race altogether.  Maybe I just can’t do a marathon after all?  Maybe I’ve reached my limit?    

I need to get my head back into the mindset I had when training for the Around the Bay 30k race.  Training for that race felt easy as I had absolutely no idea how long it would take and really didn’t care.  I just had fun and didn’t worry about pace, times, etc and everything went well.  I finished all the long runs feeling great.  I never doubted whether I could complete the race.  Now it all just seems like such a worrisome chore.       

The Niagara Falls race has been a curse for me in the past, and I really don’t want to continue with that pattern.  I’ve run the 10k race, troubled with brutal shin splints the entire time that left both lower legs totally numb and was forced to walk about ½ the race.  Last year I did the ½ marathon race and went out way too fast and started to feel tired at 4k.  At 14k I walked and ran the last 7k with more walking than running and hated the entire experience.

So the new plan is slow the heck down and run at the pace that I know I really should be running.  No matter how painfully slow it seems at first and I should finish stronger and feel better about the run.  Throw out all preconceptions about what I had intended for times and just have fun with it.  Because in the end, that’s what I know will make me happier and more fulfilled. 

Hopefully I can do this on race day as well, because that’s when I really lose all rational thought and take off like a scared jack rabbit.  I need to embrace my inner turtle, because we all know the story of how that race turned out.